I’ve been absent from writing for a long while and am starting to crave the release of writing through my thoughts and trying to make sense out of them. A LOT has changed in the past year or so. We got married, moved in together, blended a family, learned that one of our children is autistic and has sensory processing disorder, subsequently changed schools for her, went through a surgery to get pregnant, got pregnant (now 33 weeks), welcomed my husband’s parents and grandma in a move from CA to AZ, and forged through other tough decisions and realizations. We are doing really well considering how much we have been through. More on that another day.
What inspired me to write today was church service this morning. We have been going through a series called Plan B, which is based on the book by Pete Wilson. At the beginning of the series I thought…is anyone really still on Plan A…or B for that matter? I feel like I’m on plan Z and I’m only 32! I love what my life has become and I’m completely grateful to God for turning a very hard season in my life into something spectacular. But it is something I never imagined for myself growing up or even when I was in college. I knew I wanted a family and kids and a husband and some sort of career, but the way I got to this place was a very patch-worked path that was messy and unorganized.
We had the privilege to hear directly from Pete Wilson at church this morning. He said a few things I wanted to share and remember.
“The greatest illusion in life, is the illusion of control.”
This struck me because of its simplicity and obviousness (not sure that’s really a word), yet it’s something we forget on a daily basis. We have little to no control over the things that happen TO us. We do on the other hand have some control over how we view and react to circumstances, challenges, or successes. Some other things he said that I wrote in my journal:
“If nothing else good happens to you in your life ever, you STILL owe God everything.”
If we pray, and pray, and beg for help…. for a new job, or to keep a job, to change our finances, to repair relationships, or to save our children from hardships, or keep them safe…..and God does nothing to help us, we still owe Him our lives with faith and dedication to his glory. He gave His son to save us from our sins and so we would have the ability to spend eternity with Him. We owe Him, not the other way around.
“The hardest part is knowing God is completely capable of doing something but accepting that He sometimes chooses to do nothing to change the situation we are in.”
We’ve all been there, begging, asking for a sign, pleading and crying…..and wondering where He is. It shakes your faith to hear nothing and to feel no relief from pain, embarrassment, or crushed dreams. My plans and expectations have changed many times and when I think He isn’t listening and didn’t help…I look back weeks, months, years later and see that even though it wasn’t part of my plan, it was part of His. No one ever grows up and says I want to get married, then divorced, and have my family ripped apart and then go on to live in a blended family with more challenges than one could ever imagine. That’s not picture perfect, you don’t dream of struggling and going through heartbreak. But “..it” happens and God and make those terrible seasons in life worth it and has the ability to make life beautiful again.
Pete Wilson gave an example of when kids throw fits and fight and scream that they want the other parent to instead of the one they are with. The child doesn’t really want the other parent…they want what they think the other parent is going to give them. It’s like our conversations with God, we are begging for help, for more or less of something. More often than not we aren’t begging for more time and love from Him, when that is what we should be doing.
He asked a question that makes me question if my actions and choices conflict with what I believe to be true? How can I trust His plan more and release from the chains of my own? What is He asking of me and how can I say YES?
“What would you do if you were absolutely confident that God was with you?”
My answer…..a lot more.