Love and Pudger

A few years ago my good friend, Pudger, gave me some great advice when I talked to her about my previous relationship. While that didn’t really work out…I now see where the advice was coming from. She said “Just love him”. I thought I was doing that…. but I wasn’t. She knew what it meant because her relationship was/is a great one, so the advice made sense to her. It seemed like a feat and a half when I heard it at the time though. Now…it’s easy.

Just love him.

When I try really hard to think of something nice I can do for Mr. 72 it never really pans out….but when I go about my day and do a little something extra to show him I love him and care for him…it lands pretty well. I’m not a relationship expert in the slightest, just happen to be in a fabulous one. Here are some things I try to do or at least keep in mind.

  • Leaving sticky notes around the house with compliments or encouragements. “I love you”, “I hope you have a great day”, “Can’t wait to see you later”, “Thanks for making me dinner last night”, anything will do.
  • Text a cute picture of the two of us when I know he’s having a hard day and needs a reminder that something great is just a work day away.
  • Getting 7Up, soup and meds when he doesn’t feel well
  • Compliment him in person – “You look handsome” or “I”m so proud of you” ….little compliments go a long way
  • Have inside jokes or phrases that only we understand, it takes us back to a really good or funny moment between the two of us
  • Listen….really listen. I had to remind myself to put away my phone, look away from the TV or turn it off and really listen to what he was saying. I’m not the advice giving type of person, I’m not very good at it, but I will listen.
  • Don’t play relationship games – you know the games we all have played, (don’t be too available, don’t call too much, etc) I hate that, I think it dimishes the relationship and adds a competitive factor into the relationship. Relationships are hard enough…don’t add more rules to make it harder. I try to be very honest with Mr. 72 (where I want the relationship to go, kids, beliefs, all of it). Don’t add stressors that don’t need to be there.
  • Be late and get a longer kiss. Mas, mas besos.
  • Get dressed – seems a little bit vain and superficial but I love seeing Mr. 72 dressed in some of my favs and he looks incredibly handsome (sometimes he goes against his own better judgment and grows out a beard for me or grows his hair a little longer…. because I like it). So I try to dress up a little or just look presentable. It feels really good to be out with your significant other and be so proud to be with them. It’s something easy you can do daily that will make the other person smile. (You can’t argue with me that it doesn’t feel better to be around your partner when they look good than if they were grungy…vain, maybe; truth, absolutely)

Being in a good relationship had made me see how to “just love” someone. I do, just like everyone else, have areas to improve on…such as my sarcasm or jokes that are funny in my head but then outloud…I realize, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m working on it. That is a goal of mine, to not say things that could be hurtful even if it was meant as a joke. It’s not nice and it doesn’t “love” the other person.

Any other ideas out there?

Smiles’ Hair

Many people have mentioned that it really is time to cut little man’s hair. I have repeatedly said “NO!”. Well…..since I am thinking of moving him into a toddler bed soon and he has yet to have his hair cut, maybe it’s time I accept the fact that my baby is growing up and not so much a baby anymore. But he’s not even 2 so…really still a baby. I do kind of feel bad every time his hair gets in his mouth or eyes so I think it’s time……but we are ONLY cutting bangs……don’t even think about suggesting I cut off those curls in the back!

Here is Smiles, crazy hair and all.

Inspiration pictures

So…here it is….I cut it because I just wanted it done. I was terrified though because I didn’t want him to turn and get scissors in his eyes…..so the cut was a little crooked and jagged, but it got the job done! He’s still cute, uneven bangs and all.

“Straight line”

After waking up from a good night sleep…the curls take over, I guess it didn’t matter if they were cut in a straight line! LOL

First Hair Cut….curls that won’t quit!

May 18 – 20, 2012

Teacher Career Fair

Playing cars with mom….this could go on for hours! Things Smiles says while playing, “awesome”, “wow”, “whoa”, “GO!”, “again?”, “no fit?” sometimes the cars get stuck on the track, lol

My favorite cousin and his baby girl.

Had such a good weekend! Saturday I went to a career fair for teachers and I was super nerous but it went well. More about that in a later lost, but at least I figured out what I want to do when I grow up!

Then after that on Saturday, the whole family and extended family came over to my parents house for a pool party and BBQ. Even Mr. 72 came with his girls. Smiles had a great time and got to eat a lot of yummy tortillas and got his first hair cut! This was also the first time Mr. 72 was meeting my extended family….they can be a rough crowd with potential additions to the family. LOL

Totally noteworthy: Mr. 72’s youngest ran up to me when they got out of the truck and jumped into my arms, I swear my heart melted!

Other noteworthy comments made:

  • Tio – “I like him” …this is big deal comnig from my uncle
  • Cousin – “Good job thinking with your brain this time…most girls end up in the same type of relationship they left, but not you, good job”. “I like him” (me, “why”) “because he showed up to a family event with his daughters and it could have been totally awkward, but he man’d up” …..very good point indeed
  • Tia – “I like your family” (me: “I like you too?”) “No, Mr. 72 and the girls, your new family” OMG….my Tia doesn’t really say that about anyone coming into the family!!
  • Ruth (she’s like an aunt) – “The kids already look alike, that works out” LOL true statement
  • Mr. 72 – “I want to be a part of your family” ….speechless, whenever you’re ready Mister

I wish I would have taken more pictures Saturday…it was just so much fun that I forgot…oh well.

Sunday I decided to go to church with Mr. 72 and his girls. This was an event for me. When we got out of the service we picked up the kiddos…I ran to get Smiles past all the other lolligagging parents, lol.Leaving and picking up Smiles from the day care center broke my heart. I cried when I picked him up because when he saw me, he cried and put out his arms for me to hold him. I think this will be good for him in the long run…he needs to play with other kids and learn how to share, etc. But this was hard…I’ve never left him with strangers before…no daycare, nothing. He’s only ever stayed with his GG (caregiver) or family. After we reunited as a group….Mr. 72’s oldest gave both me and him pictures she had drawn in class. It was so special to me that she thought about drawing one especially for me. So freakin sweet! It is now on my fridge 🙂

Our little “family” went to lunch after church, Paradise Bakery. It was kinda awesome how well me and Mr. 72 worked to make sure the kiddos didn’t go nutzo in public. We make a fabulous team if I don’t say so myself.

All-in-all, amazing weekend!

Narcissism and Church

loooong post, lol>

Today marks the first day I have been to church in a very long time. It’s been since 2001….not counting the time I went to church to see my niece get baptized. I’m not looking to believe something, I already have beliefs, but for other reasons, of which there are a few.

I like the feeling of community that a church can provide, gathered around other people whose intent it is to make themselves better and better the lives of those around them. I’m not going to get into what I believe or don’t believe because I feel that is up to each person to make up their own minds on the matter. It’s a very personal journey for most and a difficult one at that.

Another reason is that Mr. 72 attends church every Sunday without fail. Now this isn’t the main reason I decided to go but it is a reason. I do pray, a lot. Usually I walk around my house talking out loud and if people saw me doing this they would think I’m nutz but in reality I am talking to whoever may be listening (ancestors, god, whoever). I’m usually asking for help, or strength, or compassion. I don’t place myself into one religion entirely…I pull what I believe out of my own heart and then if that happens to be a part of an organized belief system, then so be it, great. But to the point, I want to be able to pray with Mr 72. This is something I think is very important to share with your life partner. I think he knows what my basic beliefs are, I think. There’s probably room for growth on that conversation. I want us to grow together and I don’t feel we can grow together without praying together. This aspect was totally forbidden in my last relationship and it failed, I believe that was a huge part of it.

When I pray, its more like meditation. Sometimes I say nothing at all and just quiet my mind and sit in stillness. I let whatever is going to happen or not happen, happen. I think this is why I am so drawn to yoga. Not just the physical practice but this is where I feel the most connected to the god I believe in. The pastor brought up a topic today about how society has become so narcissistic. I completely agree. So many people are willing to put themselves first before anyone else. Even some people who I wouldn’t classify as narcissistic have some definite narcissistic behaviors. I think this is an area for improvement for all human beings. Throughout his sermon I kept thinking….if only the congregation would go to yoga and study the practice, I think this concept is so easy to understand. I try my best everyday to not be someone I am ashamed of, to be someone who is giving, to be someone I would be proud to know. Maybe the pastor should have used the Bhagavad Gita to help explain his point. Nishkama Karma means Selfless Action, service without selfishness. It is kind of ironic that the first sermon I hear upon return to church is about the main belief I have, karma. 

karmaṇy evādhikāras te

mā phaleṣu kadācana

mā karma-phala-hetur bhūr

mā te sańgo ‘stv akarmaṇi

Translation: “You certainly have the right for perscribed activities but never at any time in their results. You should never be motivated by the results of the actions, nor should there be any attachment in not doing your perscribed activities.” (ref)

When I lost my job a few months ago, I left the anger go to karma. When I went through a divorce, I could only control my reactions and relied on karma to deal with the rest. I don’t get it right all the time, but I try, and that’s all someone can ask you to do.

The pastor posed the question of who our hero is….I’m sure the answer for most people there was Jesus, but mine was my dad. My dad has always been compassionate, giving, full of strength, and willing to give the shirt off his back to anyone who needed it. (I’m pretty sure he has done this). He amazes me every day because he is capable of finding ways to help….anyone, even people he doesn’t like very much. My dad has worked very hard for the life he has now but has always managed to give whenever he could, even if all he had was just a dollar or some labor he could offer, if someone needed it. He is my hero and someone I aspire to be like. I remember something he said to me when I was in high school, “If you grew up in the same situation as someone else, raised by the same people, had the same experiences, you would be just like them”. Every time I judge someone or am rude or not as nice as I could be….I remember that, and it changes my attitude quickly. Compassion and empathy.

I enjoyed going to church, I didn’t agree with all of it but I don’t think you have to, nor do I think you should. I think it is the journey of every human being to question what they hear, take what works for them, and leave the rest.

The reason I was so hesitant to go to church was because of bringing Smiles. I’m not sure yet how I want to approach this subject with him. I don’t know how to explain what I would like him to believe and how to explain the different between going to church and his own personal beliefs. I rationalized that as of today, he doesn’t understand, but for an hour or so a week, he can play with other kids, enjoy some kindness from strangers, and hopefully make some friends. I plan of exposing him to everything and seeing where that journey takes him, as it might be different from my own.

I will be going back. I really did enjoy it. We will see where this journey takes us.

I Choose by Kelly Rae Roberts

 

Bucket List + Pinterest

Of course I have a Pinterest account…who doesn’t?? Ok, I know a few people who don’t but seriously…how did I kill time before Pinterest. Anyhooo…..my Bucket List on Pinterest, check it.

Here are a few snip-its.

What’s on your Bucket List?

Mom-izms

Things I said I wouldn’t do as a parent before I was a parent but now let slide….judge me if you must but you know you’ve done something similar at one point!

  • Let him walk around the house (which has white carpet) with blueberries because he won’t eat them in his highchair.
  • Watch more than one episode of Mickey Mouse b/c he’s too tired to play and if not he will go to sleep at 6:00….instead of 7:00, therefore waking up in the morning at 3:30.
  • Play ball inside ….it’s AZ, it’s hot, what else are we supposed to do.
  • Let him sleep in bed with me in the mornings…mama’s tired, this gets me at least another 30 minutes of eyes-are-closed-but-I’m-not-sleeping time
  • Let him eat more sugar than he needs…thanks Abuelo for instilling the “Cookie Monster” into my son. He now thinks pan dulce is for breakfast every day and not just a treat.

Looking back it’s kind of funny how many things I claimed that I would never do! I was even pretty liberal cause I saw all my neices and nephews and knew better than to say “I would never” but…..here we are!