PSA: Please stop doing the following at work

I’m a tish grumpy this morning so excuse the grumptastic post. Usually I’m pretty positive in life, so forgive this one post.

I had a rough day yesterday. I made the huge mistake of trying to delay Smile’s nap yesterday so he could stay up for fireworks. Well he delayed it alright….by not taking one at all! He was easily led into melt-down city by any move from mama that he did not find pleasing. So needless to say, I’m exhausted and easily irritated this morning.

 

This post really should be given to all employees on their first day at a new job. I’ll break it into categories so you can easily find out if your habits lie in the “please stop doing this” arena.

Grooming

  • Nail clipping – this should only be done at home in the bathroom or outside, let the clips fall where they may. Not next to your co-workers whose drink that clipping could easily fly into. This is disgusting, please stop.
  • Brushing Hair – walk the extra 5 feet and do it in the bathroom. No one like finding a stray hair that they are positive is not their own. I am a VERY sheddy person, I have thick hair, I get it, sometimes hair falls out….but do you really need to add to the situation and pull it out with your nasty brush. Also, what are you doing in an office setting that your hair is getting so tangled?
  • Smoking – fine if you smoke whatever, kill yourself slowly if you want to, but don’t spray on 5 gallons of Febreeze, perfume or cologne thinking that god awful smell is going to go away. Now you just leave a trail of smoke and after smoke spray-on in your wake. There are times when I can smell you have been somewhere 5 minutes after you left that location, this is disgusting and causes me to almost pass out from holding my breath. (yes, I used to smoke, and I apologize to everyone I did this to, I didn’t realize, but now I do…so other people, you are now aware)
  • Picking things – your nails, your teeth, your nose, your ears, your scabs, etc. Go to the bathroom and take care of business. And certainly DO NOT do the smell test in front of everyone else. To answer your questions, yes, your ear wax will always smell. Don’t floss at your desk, old food particles fly, have you ever flossed in front of the mirror? I’m sure you’ve noticed you need to clean the mirror once in a while after flossing.

Eating

  • Chewing with your mouth open – who raised you?? Why did your mom never tell you to chew with your mouth closed? And if it is physically impossible for you to do so, which I find your excuse as simple laziness, then you don’t get the privilege of eating around other people and you certainly do not get the privilege of eating crunchy foods. Stay away from foods such as chips, almonds (actually any nuts), brittle, ice, carrots, etc.
  • Slurping, smack lips and saying “Ahhh” – nothing is that refreshing after every sip. If you can’t drink something without making a slurping noise then you also don’t get the privilege of consuming a drink with ice, it makes the process harder for you.
  • Licking your fingers clean – why do I even have to post this one, use utensils and a napkin you late-blooming cave-man
  • Burping – Burping is no longer considered a sign of satisfaction. Once in a while it happens…every day multiple times a day, I don’t think so.
  • Gum chewing – I know I’m probably alone on this. But be forewarned, if you are chewing gum near me, I will be irritated. I will probably leave and don’t even think about popping in a piece while in my car. I think it’s nasty; you look like a cow chewing cud. Go brush your teeth or pop a mint, don’t sit there chewing on your saliva for god knows how long.

 

Social

  • Bombarding someone with questions Part Uno – within 30 minutes of them arriving to work – give them some time to settle in
  • Bombarding someone with questions Part Due – asking someone questions about their personal lives when they’ve given you no reason to believe they want to share that information, this just makes me not want to talk to you for fear of having to be interviewed.
  • Personal Calls – I don’t need to know your financial, medical, or personal problems. Please take your call into the break room or better yet, outside. The results of your urinary issues, why you can’t balance your account, or why all guys are jerks…not really something I need to hear about.
  • Talking to yourself – I have no idea that you aren’t talking to me because you speak at a volume that is audible to the person 5 cubes away from us. You have an internal dialogue; God gave you that ability for a reason….make use of it. Just realize when you don’t and you go to check your balance on your checking account and your audibly say your password….I know now it and I know your balance and what bills you are deciding to pay this month.
  • Singing to the song in your ear buds – I’m not saying, I’m just saying, you probably don’t have a record deal because you chose not to go into singing, it’s probably because no one wants to hear the he-haw that comes out of your flapper. Sing in the car like the rest of us.
  • Initiating Pot Lucks – You would think this would be fun, but it’s not. Take note of all the things I just posted about and think about the obvious ones I did not (cleanliness, washing your hands, etc.) and then think about who you are asking to bring food in for you to consume. I don’t like having to pass over your dish because “I’m not hungry”, it’s because you are gross at work and I can only imagine what your living quarters look like or what your home habits might be. I’d rather take my chances with Juan at Los Favoritos, at least he will get in trouble for not lavarse las manos.
  • Personal Space – I work in a cube, I don’t get a lot of space as it is. Please don’t enter without being invited.

I won’t touch on public restrooms or break rooms because it should be openly shunned when you do something vulgar or repulsive in a public area.

Well…that felt good. I kind of feel like I had a little attitude inspiration from The Doc, lol. And now I’m done and can move on with my day. Anyone have anything to add?

 

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3 thoughts on “PSA: Please stop doing the following at work

  1. Thanks for the plugs. I enjoyed this post so much. There are so many unwritten but so important workplace rules u have captured the essence of many of these

  2. This is HILARIOUS. I could seriously relate to a ton of these, particularly the gum chewing and talking to yourself. I have one to add: please don’t leave a five-minute message on someone’s voicemail. Seriously, just say, “Hi it’s so and so, calling about XYZ, call me back at this number. Bye!” No need to say what you were going to say to a live person on a machine, ugh!

    Oh, another one: please lower your darn cell phone volume! And speaking of more phones, please don’t use speaker phone when you know the whole darn office can hear it!

    Wow, happy Monday lol.

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