Journal Entry 1/18/12

It’s been a very strange week to say the least. It’s been surprising, aggravating, terrifying, and incredible. Not to go into details but I’ve gone from thinking we were losing someone for good to being amazed at how much someone can CHOOSE to love me. Since I don’t want to recap the bad, here’s the good.

Mr. 72 didn’t realize that our relaxing and mushy love filled weekend was about to be overtaken by drama and a 17 month old. He graciously and without effort (at least showing it) allowed me and my son to stay in his home while we took solace in the safety it provided me. I don’t think we were ever really in danger but the thought crossed my mind so I refused to take the chance when my child (let’s call him Smiles since I do sometimes) is concerned. He was incredible, effortless in his ability to help me and didn’t think twice about it. I couldn’t be more grateful and there is no way I could pay him back. I love this man with everything I have. The great (and scary) thing that came out of this weekend was how much I enjoyed “living” with him. I loved waiting for him to come back from the gym, I loved being there to talk to him, I loved playing with my son with him. I especially loved how concerned he was when he saw my frustration at trying to get Smiles down for his naps and bedtime…it’s hard enough already but add in a new bed? Oye. He was so kind and patient. He was so thoughtful about making sure Smiles had food he liked to eat and toys to play with, a bed to sleep in and even let mom take a shower.

We ended up going to a movie (alone) and there was a scene of two people getting married and I felt like my heart stopped and beat faster than ever before. It wasn’t so much the wedding part that got me but just the thought of spending the rest of my natural born life with him. To wake up every day smashed up next to him (bed sinks in the middle), to make waffles for him every morning, to greet him with a cold drink after work, to raise our children together. But I also can’t wait for that moment with him when I can share with the world how in love I am with this man, how amazing he makes me feel and how much I hope I do the same for him. I hate hiding it from parts of my life. I hope this feeling doesn’t diminish over time but grows stronger and more mature. I know the butterflies will probably fade at some point but I plan on trying to keep them around for as long as possible.

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